Archive for July, 2008

Fab - who named this ice lolly?

Posted by David Hurst in Personal on July 31st, 2008

Fab lolly - not very fabIf ever there was a mis-named product, this is it. I remember these from my childhood as being the lolly you bought because the ice cream man had sold out of everything else and you were that desperate to spend your pocket money. Now, at the ripe old age of 30, it seems I have failed to escape the bad Fab lolly memories. My wife gave me one as dessert last night. After confirming that we had no ice cream, yoghurts, cake, dog food - I consented to eat it.

Fab my arse. What a disgusting vile creation. So full of promise when you look at it, but it fails to deliver on every culinary level.

I’d rather lick the armpit of a baboon - one that had really lost its way in life and let itself go - than eat another one of these mis-named apostasies.

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How to dismantle / open an iPod HiFi

Posted by David Hurst in Apple, Guides, Hardware, Issues, Rants, Technology on July 23rd, 2008

UPDATED 28 August 2008

As I was relaxing on the sofa last night, I became aware of the general silence in the room. For the ordinary guy this might not mean anything, but when you are sharing the room with a 10 month old who’s just started walking, silence is usually a fair indication of a misdemeanor being committed. In this case, the little darling had pulled the cover of the front of my iPod HiFi and was busy prodding the middle of the speaker cone. Result: one deformed speaker cone, and one angry daddy.

So, I figured I would just dismantle the iPod HiFi and push the middle of the cone back out from behind. In fact, if I had thought about it for any amount of time I would have realised this is not possible as the center of the cone connects directly to the magnet, preventing any rear access. This is pretty much the case with all speakers, but I wasn’t focusing properly, and having decided to open the damn thing and got my toolbox out, then it was coming apart and that’s that.

As it turns out, opening up an iPod HiFi is not a simple task. I spent ages looking at it from every angle trying to figure out where the screws are. I eventually decided they must be under the rubber foot on the base of the unit, but after prising part of it off (it’s glued on), and seeing no screws I gave up on that notion. It took some extensive Googling, but I eventually found a Swedish website with a couple of photos that pointed me in the right direction.

So, here are my instructions. If you are suffering the depressed centre speaker malady like myself, please don’t go to the trouble of dismantling your iPod HiFi - it won’t get you anywhere.

Instructions to dismantle or open an iPod HiFi

WARNING: The plastic box of the iPod HiFi is soft and easily damaged. Dismantling your iPod HiFi using these instructions WILL leave marks on the white plastic. You have been warned, and I am not responsible if you cock it up.

  • You will need a couple of thin edged flat tip screwdrivers - the wider the end, the better. It may work better with a strong and thin putty knife.
  • Take the fabric cover off the front of the iPod HiFi.
  • Take a look at the black front - you will see that it doesn’t sit perfectly flush with the white box. In fact this is just a veneer that is glued to the front of the iPod HiFi. It’s a piece of metal about 2mm thick and it hides all the screws and fixings.
  • The join line is just beyond where the black edge meets the white box. It may be possible to prise this cover off from the edges around the speaker cones, but I was too scared of damaging a speaker to try this.
  • You need to work your screwdriver or knife between the white outer box and the black speaker workings. Again, this WILL leave marks on the box - the plastic is soft - it would be a good idea to work on the bottom edge of the unit. The fabric cover will hide the marks.
  • Once you have worked the screwdriver in a couple of milimetres, you need to lever case out a bit. Whilst you are doing this, you should be able to see the join line where the veneer is stuck on. Slide your screwdriver back towards this line and start prising it up.
  • Use a second screwdriver or knife to widen the gap. Work along the edge a few inches until you can start pulling with your fingers. The metal will bend a little, but the glue is strong enough to stick back down afterwards. Still, it would be sensible to bend it as little as possible. You may need adhesive anyway.
  • Once you have completely prised off the veneer, you will be presented with a number of screws which hold the iPod HiFi together.
  • Fix / play / experiment at your leisure.
  • If you pull the main works out, you will invariably pull the cables for touch controls and LED away from their connectors. This is because the cables are impossibly short, and you may spend significant amounts of time trying to re-connect these. The simple way to do it is to take out the centre speaker, and reassemble the box. You can now put your hand through the aperture and plug the cables back in. It’s easy to then plug the centre speaker back in and screw it back in.
  • When the time comes to close it back up, you just stick the veneer back on and apply firm pressure all over the surface to ensure it’s stuck properly - it probably won’t stick properly, depending on how much you bent it, so you may need additional adhesive. I suspect this part was always designed to be throw-away.

Kudos to Apple for designing such a good looking and great sounding speaker unit. However, they have singularly failed to accommodate their customers or provide any kind of lasting support for the iPod HiFi. It has been discontinued, and there are very few spares or service options available. You can get new battery covers, fabric fronts, or clip-in iPod mounts, but that’s it. If your speakers die, you’ve had it.

Fair enough to discontinue a product, but to also eliminate all service options on a unit that is clearly very difficult to open without damaging it, is just poor. They could at least describe the dismantling process on their website so that third parties can offer service options.

I use Apple computers and have done for many years, and I always recommend that Windows users switch. I’m not one of those Apple devotees that think they can’t do any wrong though. They’re famous for this closed box - no support nonsense. It really is pathetic given how much you pay for their kit. Their laptops are getting harder and harder to service (try upgrading a hard disk on a Macbook Pro yourself), and this is the wrong direction to head in.

Anyway, I hope these instructions help somebody get their iPod HiFi working again.

Oh, and if you have a young son who has just dented the middle of your speaker cone, the solution lies in the humble household vacuum cleaner. Suck. Pop. Simple. It’s so frustrating that I now have little marks on my iPod HiFi yet I never even needed to open it. Just be careful that you don’t over suck and turn them inside out! You may need to fabricate a tube to fit precisely around the centre dome of the speaker cone to get the right amount of suction. You can easily cut toilet roll tubes and gaffa tape them into a suitable shape to fit both the speaker and your vacuum cleaner hose. Blu-tack makes an excellent sealer.

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The dangers of bringing a packed lunch to work

Posted by David Hurst in Personal on July 21st, 2008

I worked out that lunch was costing me about £60 per month, and now that I’m having to commute and my petrol costs have shot up, then this is a cost I can do without. Not least, there are so many choices of lunchtime eatery in Yeovil, and I always end up buying the most fattening (damn you Subway and your foot long meatball sub with extra cheese). On top of this, I always end up popping into some shop or other and spending even more money that I don’t need to. Solution: bring a packed lunch.

Except this isn’t much of a solution, because I now can no longer work my way through the morning hunger pangs when I know that I have a packet of my wife’s delicious cheese, ham and coleslaw sandwiches in my bag. It’s half ten on a Monday, and the sandwiches have just bought it, and now I will have naff all at lunchtime, and will no doubt be wasting away by mid-afternoon. In the words of James May, esteemed motoring journalist: “cock!”

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BBC report: “Say goodbye to the computer mouse”

Posted by David Hurst in Rants, Technology on July 17th, 2008

I read this report by Maggie Shiels on the BBC website today. It claims that the computer mouse is on its way out to be replaced by “so called gestural computer mechanisms like touch screens and facial recognition devices” within 2 to 5 years. Presumably we will be commuting to work in flying cars and employing robots to do our domestic chores too. Yet another ludicrous technology prediction, but with the added sadness that large scale computing companies (i.e. Microsoft) actually subscribe to this nonsense. Good job Bill Gates made his money already.

Is the BBC really that short on technology news that they have to publish these illfounded speculations? The computer mouse may be old, but that doesn’t mean the principle needs to be superseded. The wheel is pretty old too you know…

These muppets spend 5 minutes prancing about in front of a Nintendo Wii and think they have seen the future of all computing. The Wii is a games system. Anyone who has tried to used the Wii controller to browse the Internet will tell you that a mouse is far superior. The mouse is also the very best way to play first person 3D shooter games.

Apart from the obvious problems with touchscreen (filth on the screen, aching arms etc.) and gesture systems (lacking in precision, unreliable, and you look like a prat using them), do these people really think that businesses will spend vast sums of money changing their existing hardware over to these new systems that their staff won’t know how to use?

So, no the mouse is not dead, nor will it be in 2 - 5 years. Just like my Fiat won’t be taking to the skies and R2D2 won’t be popping around to do my washing up.

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McJobs - all applicants considered, McBrain optional…

Posted by David Hurst in Personal, Rants on July 16th, 2008

I think it’s great that McDonalds offers gainful employment to people from all walks of life, and I’m all for equal opportunities employment, but… (and here’s the big ‘but’ signaling the start of another website rant): I do hold to the ideal that the employee should be capable of doing the job they are employed to do. Further, I think every employee ought to be able to apply a little common sense to everyday situations, and where they are customer-facing, ought to be courteous and respectful to the customers. Perhaps I am far too idealistic, and maybe I just want too damn much from my local McRestaurant. I mean, is it unreasonable to expect them to get my order correct or to be greeted as ’sir’ rather than ‘mate’?

Here’s a classic scenario from today’s McLunchtime sojourn:

McServer: Who’s next?
Me: Hi! Can I have a medium Big Mac meal with a coke please?
McServer: Do you want fries with that?
Me: Yes, a meal please.
McServer: Is that a large meal?
Me: No, just a medium please.
McServer: What drink?
Me: Er, Coke please…
McServer: Anything else?
Me: Yes, a cheeseburger on its own please.
McServer: A piece of cheese?
Me: Sorry?
McServer: We don’t do just cheese on its own.
Me: No, I wanted a cheeseburger on its own.
McServer: Do you want a meal?
Me: No, just on its own.
McServer: Eat in or take away?
Me: Eat in please.
McServer: That’ll be £[however much it was - I can't remember]
Me: [Handing over my debit card]
McServer: We don’t take cards.
Me: You have a sign on the door saying you do and [gesturing to the row of chip and pin card readers] you have the machines.
McServer: Mine is broken.
Me: Are all the tills broken?
McServer: No just my machine - it’s been taken off [points to the empty bracket in front of the till]
Me: Right. Let’s do it on another till then.
McServer: Can you pay in cash?
Me: No, I always use my debit card when I come here so I didn’t think to take any out.
McServer: Oh. [sighs] Hang on a minute.
[Various staff members faff about until a machine is plugged in and my payment is taken]
McServer: Enter your pin.
Me: [types pin]
McServer: [heads off to collect food and places on the counter without a tray] - We haven’t got no trays, do you want a bag? Oh, hang on, there are some here. There you go.
Me: Could I have some barbecue sauce please?
McServer: [huffs and dumps a couple of pots on my tray]

She completely failed to listen to my order - she just followed the script like the McRobot she is. She must be totally reliant on the till to tell her what she’s just tapped in, because it’s pretty clear my order sails straight out of her consciousness as soon as her fingers leave the till buttons. My order was right today, but it’s astonishing how many times they get it wrong, despite all the items being listed right in front of their eyes.

The minute she encountered a problem she was completely stuck and clearly didn’t want to do anything out of the ordinary. At no point did any form of common sense kick in. I think she would have much preferred it if I had walked out the door instead of insisting that I pay for my goods with my fancy high-tech, ultra-modern debit card. It’s not like people have been using debit cards to pay for stuff for over a decade in this country is it? Ludicrous!

There was nothing even approaching courteousness in our exchange and I left with the feeling that I’d somehow been a genuine nuisance. She even said “sorry about that” to the next people in line whilst nodding in my direction, like it was somehow my fault that she’d been labotomised at birth. Perhaps I snook into McDonalds this morning just to knacker her card reader up and spoil her day. Here’s a crazy thought: if the till was broken, why not point that out at the start of the order, so we didn’t have to waste a load of time? - I could have moved on to the next server. Either that, or one of the plethora of unused tills with functional card readers could have been put into service rather than the broken one.

Do McDonalds have a policy of systematically removing all human traits from their employees? Would it be such a bad thing to allow free-thought and initiative into the work place?

If you’re reading this and you don’t agree with me, then I challenge you to go and order an apple pie with ice cream at your local McDonalds. This combination used to be on the menu - it’s basically the apple pie, which they still serve, with ice cream, which they also still serve, on a polystyrene tray, which they still have, but as it’s not on the McMenu, the confused McEmployee will get all flustered and then tell you they don’t do apple pie with ice cream. As you stand there calmly pointing out the pile of polystyrene trays they use for breakfast orders, the stack of steaming hot apple pies, and the ice cream machine, you can see the cogs beginning to whirr in the McBrain. Normal rational thinking starts to prevail: ‘of course, the solution to the problem is simple…’, the McEmployee thinks to himself, but then, crash! Free thinking hits the proverbial brick wall for the mighty McDonalds till lacks a dedicated button for apple pie with ice cream. “I can’t put it through the till”, they will say. And so, summoning the patience of a monk, you ask the McEmployee to press the McButton for apple pie, followed by the McButton for ice cream, and charge you for both. “But, what about the cone for the ice cream?”. If you are not banging your head helplessly on the counter by this stage, then you are a stronger person than I. Suffice it to say, I no longer have McDessert with my McMeal.

Little wonder then that people aren’t exactly queueing up for McJobs. Judging by the way I got treated today, the McJob is viewed as a last resort, because all else failed and desperation to have enough cash for 10 Lambert & Butler eventually overrides the McApplicant’s fear of being spotted serving Happy Meals by one of their mates. It shouldn’t be this way. McDonalds food is tasty and people love it - forget the health stuff. Most people are quite happy to munch a Big Mac, whether they admit to it or not. (I used to work for a guy who posted anti-McDonalds propaganda on the company website and then sent us out to buy McLunch every day. You know who you are. Karl.) The McDonalds brand is fresh and modern, they support farming and do a lot of charity work. The company is global success story the like of which is rarely seen. They offer good career progression (possibly not for the girl that served me today) and reasonable pay, so, why the embarrassment of working there? Because the situation gets worse and worse. Each time you get served by someone clearly lacking a McBrain, it reinforces the resolve of ordinary people to not want to work there lest they should be tarnished by association.

You know, if I was out of work and I had to put food on my table and keep a roof over my family, I wouldn’t hesitate to apply at McDonalds. I would get in early, treat every customer with respect (a sir or madam never goes amiss), work hard and focus on getting the job done right. Customers would be served quickly with hot (yes, hot) food and treated to a welcoming smile. With all the other McPlebs around me, I would stand out like a sore thumb and thus rise through the ranks with dizzying pace. Such aspirations seem to be lost on most of their staff though, and I am sick of being treated like dirt instead of the loyal customer that I am.

Will I take a stand and stop eating Big Macs? No, dammit. They taste too good. It’s the sauce you know…

Caveat

I have (occasionally) been served by some very professional and friendly people in McDonalds, and I am perhaps being a little unfair to many hardworking employees above. This is just my little website, with my own insignificant opinions on life the universe and everything, and I do like to have a rant now and again. It keeps me sane and I enjoy the literary outlet. So, if you are a McDonalds employee, and you do deliver outstanding service, please let me know which McDonalds you work at, so I can come to you instead to satisfy my McBurger craving.

And some more

It would be nice to get some sort of list together of the best and worst McDonalds, feel free to submit your nominations below by adding a comment. I’ll get it started by nominating Taunton Drive Thru, which gets my order wrong at least 50% of the time. There are a couple of friendly staff there - an older lady, and a switched on blonde haired girl, but it’s mostly poor. Food is rarely hot and the decor inside is utterly horrible. The car park serves as a congregating point for the local chavs and their weedy Saxo VTRs, where they sit with rubbish music blaring through low-fidelity speakers turned up so loud that you can almost see the paper-thin Citroen body panels shaking themselves apart. Despite there being plenty of bins laid on, these lazy oiks can’t be bothered to pull their arses out of their cheap foam seats and put their McRubbish in the appropriate place, so it just gets thrown around the car park. Needless to say, the local rat populous has become more numerous thanks to the White Lightning drinking, Burberry cap wearing, scallys that are drawn to the golden arches like flies to moist excrement.

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