David Hurst

…and can you pay my shipping company too…?

Anyone who’s advertised on Auto Trader and made the mistake of publishing their email address will no doubt be acquainted with the above scam. For the benefit of those who like to revel in the stupidity of con-men, and for those equally stupid people who fall for it, here’s the basic con:

These guys will send you a cheque for a sum way in excess of what you’re advertising your car for. The cheque will clear. Oh yes. And you will have been instructed to send this excess amount to a “Shipping Company”. Guess what? The shipping company will probably never collect your car. And that cheque which cleared will eventually bounce because it has been written on a stolen account.

For those of you thinking, ‘yeah, well, that’s quite clever actually - I can see how people get caught out’, let’s just analyse one of these offers that I received shall we?

It’s from a chap called ‘Peter John’ and it’s written ever so professionally in all caps.

MAIL NOTIFICATION
IN RESPONSE TO THE ADVERT PLACED ON THE WEB I AM INTRESTED IN THE PURCHASE OF YOUR (car).

Right. Thanks for the ‘mail notification’. I was actually already notified that I had received your email, hence my reading it now. But you’re ‘intrested’ in the purchase of my (car) are you? How simply super.

I AM A BUSSINESS MAN IN THE UNITED KINGDOM IN WALES,BUT AS AT NOW I AM OUT OF STATE FOR A BUSINESS TRIP.

Since when was Wales a State? How many business men do you know that can’t spell ‘business’? How many Welsh people do you know that would feel it appropriate to point out to a fellow Brit that Wales is part of the UK?

I WILL BE HAPPY IF THIS (car) IS MINE AS I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS PARTICULAR MODEL.

If the alarm bells weren’t already sounding the dawn chorus in your head, they should be now. This bloke sounds about as Welsh as Mahatma Ghandi. Clearly he’s gone out and bought “The Bone Idle West African’s Beginners Guide to Online Fraud” complete with fill-in-the-gaps email templates.

THESE ARE MY TERMS OF TRANSACTION:

I’m sorry? Your terms of transaction? Who’s the seller here? Me. That’s who. The seller names his terms and the buyer either meets them or he goes elsewhere.

1 I AM OKAY WITH THE PRICE £750

Good, because that’s what the car will cost you.

2 I WILL BE PAYING WITH A UK CHEQUE

The only cheque I will be taking from you is one that is wrapped up in 75 used tenners.

3 I WILL PAY IN EXCESS WHICH WILL BE £3,000

Sorry? Hang on, you’ll pay what? Three grand for a £750 motor?

THE EXCESS FUNDS IS FOR MY SHIPING AGENT WHICH WILL COME FOR THE PICK UP OF THE (car) IN YOUR LOCATION

Oh, well that makes perfect sense then. Pretty much everyone who buys a £750 used motor will pay a shipping company to pick it up for them. £2,250 sounds perfectly reasonable to ship a car from Somerset to Wales. Yes, this ‘bussiness man’ clearly has some serious financial acumen.

AND I AM BUYING IT FOR MY SON.

How generous. I’m sure he will be dead chuffed with you buying and shipping a car you’ve never even looked at to him. I expect he won’t be at all upset that you paid £2,250 more than you needed to. I mean, after all, which young chap would rather have a £3k car over a £750 car?

I WILL WANT YOU TO GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR FULL NAME,ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER.

Oh right - you mean the information that’s already listed in the advert then.

THIS INFORMATION WILL BE NEEDED FOR SMOOTH TRANSACTION AS THE NAME GIVEN WILL BE ON THE CHEQUE AND IT WILL BE SENT TO THE ADDRESS GIVEN,

Sure. Makes sense. Send me a cheque. Yep. Got it. Sounds perfectly normal. People send me money all the time.

AFTER YOU HAVE GETTING THE PAYMENT AND IT CLEARS YOU WILL SEND THE BALANCE TO MY SHIPPING AGENT VIA WESTERN UNION TRANSFER IN OTHER FOR THEM TO COME FOR PICK UP,

Ah yes. Well without dwelling on this gentleman’s exemplary literary skills, let’s concentrate on the key phrase here: ‘Western Union Transfer’. Why Western Union? Because they have no fraud prevention systems at all, which makes them the con artist’s money laundering organisation of choice. In any case, who would ever use Western Union to transfer money to another UK company. And if you were indeed buying a car you’ve never seen and using a shipping company to collect it, wouldn’t you simply pay the shipping company yourself, rather than entrust the seller who you’ve never met with the funds?

YOU CAN ALSO BROWSE THERE WEBSITE ( http://ocl-transporters.netfirms.com)

Oh smashing yes. Well I for one am completely convinced. Nothing like a quick and nasty Frontpage template on a bit of free hosting to confirm authenticity. That must have taken you all of 5 minutes to prepare.

AND THIS IS THERE EMAIL ADDRESS ( ocl_transporters_ltd234@yahoo.com) .

Ah yes, a yahoo.com email address. With a UK domain costing a whole £3 per year, I completely trust any company that chooses instead to use a Yahoo mail account.

THE PHONE NUMBER WILL BE FOR TIME TO TIME CONTACT WHICH YOU WILL BE PROVIDE TO ME.

You already have the phone numbers - one for daytime and one for evening. Let me explain this to you Mr Scammer, if it is daytime, you can phone me on the number with “Daytime” written next to it. If on the other hand it is evening, you can go ahead and call me on the number with “Evening” written next to it. Got that? Splendid.

IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH MY TERMS SEND ME THE INFORMATION NEEDED WITH THE PRESENT LOOK OF THE (car) WHICH IS THE PICS OF IT.

I see. I have already described the vehicle at length in the advert, and have in fact uploaded 9 photos of it from every angle to show the general condition. I do not I’m afraid have albums filled with happy memories of my trusty Saab.

I BELIEVE THIS TRANSACTION IS ON TRUST,AS YOU TRUST ME WITH YOUR INFORMATION SO I TRUST YOU WITH MY FUNDS AND THE STATUS STATED THAT THE (car) IS OKAY AND IN GOOD CONDITION.

Well that’s OK then. Yes. You clearly are a very trustworthy fellow.

LOOKING FORWARD TO A HAPPY TRANSACTION.

A “happy transaction”. Almost all the Welsh businessmen I know use the phrase “happy transaction”.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MASSAGE,

Massage? No thanks. Hairy conmen are not my first choice for relaxing skin to skin contact.

LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU ASAP KINDLY REGARDS,
Mr PETER

Yes of course. That’s what we do in Britain, we sign our emails Mr First Name. Who needs a surname? Not us.

I’m sorry but I have not even one ounce of sympathy for anyone who falls for this utter nonsense. If executed correctly, this is actually a clever con, but this lazy derelict just cannot be arsed. Pathetic. I hope he rots away in his third world hovel for the rest of his life.